Port-bottle table lamp

Anything to do with Port.
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DRT
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by DRT »

I still think black sand is the best idea.

In second place: buy two bottles of Ribena and a rubber grommet from Maplin. Seal the small hole and fill the bottle to the required level with Ribena and water. Much more authentic than black paint or sand.

Actually, that is now the best idea.
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DRT
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by DRT »

DRT wrote:Ribena and water
I forgot this was F85. Just buy 6 litres of Ribena.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by djewesbury »

DRT wrote:
DRT wrote:Ribena and water
I forgot this was F85. Just buy 6 litres of Ribena.
And run a cord with an electric current through it. That is, as you say, the very best idea.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by AW77 »

+ 1
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by djewesbury »

I think that filling the bottle with anything that is difficult / tedious / awkward to pour out should you need to (e.g., if fitting a different / longer cord) is counterproductive.
I have submitted my idea. I know it will work. I know it is easy. I leave it you to decide.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by DRT »

djewesbury wrote:
DRT wrote:
DRT wrote:Ribena and water
I forgot this was F85. Just buy 6 litres of Ribena.
And run a cord with an electric current through it. That is, as you say, the very best idea.
The last time I checked the plastic coating on electric wires was waterproof.

As a homage to another thread:
  1. Are there electric wires in your house?
  2. Are they delivered via an underground power supply?
  3. Is the ground in Northern Ireland free from water?
  4. Nuff said.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by djewesbury »

Are the electric cables in the ground very heavily insulated and do they run inside plastic conduit?
Is the shroud on Julian's electric cable extremely thin and made of rubber, which perishes?
Julian, despite Derek's devil-may-care attitude to running 240V through coloured water (the colour will precipitate out after a while, of course), please remember that your family love you and do not fool about with this method.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by DRT »

djewesbury wrote:the colour will precipitate out after a while, of course
So you agree the method is authentic?

All that HSE stuff is paranoia gone mad. Lamps have 5 amp fuses for good reasons. This is one of them.

PS: I am surprise that someone with Professor Jewesbury's intelligence and education believes that the millions of miles of electricity-carrying conduit beneath the soil of the UK is completely dry. Wow. Just wow.

PPS: no harm in swapping the cable for one that is rated for exterior use.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by djewesbury »

DRT wrote:
djewesbury wrote:the colour will precipitate out after a while, of course
So you agree the method is authentic?

All that HSE stuff is paranoia gone mad. Lamps have 5 amp fuses for good reasons. This is one of them.

PS: I am surprise that someone with Professor Jewesbury's intelligence and education believes that the millions of miles of electricity-carrying conduit beneath the soil of the UK is completely dry. Wow. Just wow.

PPS: no harm in swapping the cable for one that is rated for exterior use.
Millions of miles? The majority is above ground.
One that is rated for exterior use would be thick and heavy, not flexible, and would require a larger hole. Tedious in the extreme.
I am amazed that someone with the street smarts of Citizen Turnbull would suggest such an arse-about-face * method of going about this. Really. The forces of reason have spoken. And Derek has heckled from outside the hall.

* Second time this wonderful phrase has been used in as many days on :tpf: I believe.
Last edited by djewesbury on 21:49 Sun 01 Feb 2015, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by djewesbury »

Derek. Please do an experiment using the method you suggest and report back.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by flash_uk »

djewesbury wrote:
flash_uk wrote:Combine the masking tape, water, balloon and wax concept. Mask most of the inside of the neck, but not as far down as the point where the paint line is required. Plug bottom hole, fill with water to desired level, add hot wax, but only perhaps 15mm. Allow wax to set, unplug bottom hole, proceed as outlined in the above post to paint inside of bottle black. Once the paint has dried, punch out the wax and remove, but leave the masking tape.

Removing the wax is likely to have flaked the paint at the point where paint met wax, leaving a jagged line. Now insert the balloon into the bottle via the base hole and inflate until it reaches the point where the wax had previously been. Carefully add a small quantity of black paint via the open neck, enough for the paint to make a perfect level line around the neck, but not reaching the level of the masking tape.

Once satisfied with the resultant perfect line, deflate the balloon allowing the small quantity of paint to fall into the already black bottle. Allow to dry. Remove the masking tape. Sit back and enjoy.
OK. Four years in art college and twenty years as someone required to make things permits me to offer the opinion that this would be a wild carry-on.
this would be a wild carry-on is a very Northern Irish turn of phrase! Which of course if spelt phonetically as normally delivered would be ...a wile carry-on
Last edited by flash_uk on 22:29 Sun 01 Feb 2015, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by AW77 »

DRT wrote: PPS: no harm in swapping the cable for one that is rated for exterior use.
I think these cables are designed for rain (so some humidity once in a while), but not for constant immersion in water.
Plus, even if you got thoroughly insulated cables (that stay thoroughly insulated), you would need a thoroughly tight seal for the hole at the bottom of the bottle (otherwise the liquid would soil Julian's desk).
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by djewesbury »

flash_uk wrote: this would be a wild carry-on is a very Northern Irish turn of phrase! Which of course if spelt phonetically as normally delivered would be ...a wile carry-on
I was going to say this would be a wile han'lin' but I thought it would require too much explanation! :wink:
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by djewesbury »

AW77 wrote:
DRT wrote: PPS: no harm in swapping the cable for one that is rated for exterior use.
I think these cables are designed for rain (so some humidity once in a while), but not for constant immersion in water.
Plus, even if you got thoroughly insulated cables (that stay thoroughly insulated), you would need a thoroughly tight seal for the hole at the bottom of the bottle (otherwise the liquid would soil Julian's desk).
Thank goodness for another voice of reason here in the wilderness.
Julian, I think you should fill it with blood, which will congeal over time and be about the right colour, and form a natural level. I'm sure Derek has some tips on how to get 9 litres of blood out of the receptacle in which you are already carrying it.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by DRT »

djewesbury wrote:
DRT wrote:
djewesbury wrote:the colour will precipitate out after a while, of course
So you agree the method is authentic?

All that HSE stuff is paranoia gone mad. Lamps have 5 amp fuses for good reasons. This is one of them.

PS: I am surprise that someone with Professor Jewesbury's intelligence and education believes that the millions of miles of electricity-carrying conduit beneath the soil of the UK is completely dry. Wow. Just wow.

PPS: no harm in swapping the cable for one that is rated for exterior use.
Millions of miles? The majority is above ground.
One that is rated for exterior use would be thick and heavy, not flexible, and would require a larger hole. Tedious in the extreme.
I am amazed that someone with the street smarts of Citizen Turnbull would suggest such an arse-about-face * method of going about this. Really. The forces of reason have spoken. And Derek has heckled from outside the hall.
I now realise where I went wrong. Julian, please ensure you use a three-core wire so that the lamp can be earthed. That should stop the namby-pamby worriers from complaining.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by djewesbury »

DRT wrote:
djewesbury wrote:
DRT wrote:
djewesbury wrote:the colour will precipitate out after a while, of course
So you agree the method is authentic?

All that HSE stuff is paranoia gone mad. Lamps have 5 amp fuses for good reasons. This is one of them.

PS: I am surprise that someone with Professor Jewesbury's intelligence and education believes that the millions of miles of electricity-carrying conduit beneath the soil of the UK is completely dry. Wow. Just wow.

PPS: no harm in swapping the cable for one that is rated for exterior use.
Millions of miles? The majority is above ground.
One that is rated for exterior use would be thick and heavy, not flexible, and would require a larger hole. Tedious in the extreme.
I am amazed that someone with the street smarts of Citizen Turnbull would suggest such an arse-about-face * method of going about this. Really. The forces of reason have spoken. And Derek has heckled from outside the hall.
I now realise where I went wrong. Julian, please ensure you use a three-core wire so that the lamp can be earthed. That should stop the namby-pamby worriers from complaining.
Of course! Fill it with raw meat. The blood will gradually seep out and fill the bottle.
Or maybe use Derek's blood?
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by PhilW »

Derek's suggestion to use black sand is a good idea. His suggestion to submerge non-rated 240V mains wiring is not!
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by AW77 »

PhilW wrote:Derek's suggestion to use black sand is a good idea. His suggestion to submerge non-rated 240V mains wiring is not!
+1.
Derek's idea with the sand is really good (I didn't know that there was black sand. Probably from a beach with oil-spill ...). The sand would also work as ballast.
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Port-bottle table lamp

Post by djewesbury »

The sand makes it incredibly heavy. Not good. Also any compromising of the seal = sand on the desk.
Phil, thank goodness that someone with a high level of professional technical expertise has come by to agree with André and me that keeping electricity and water separate is not just political correctness gone mad.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by Alex Bridgeman »

I refer back to my earlier comment. Norman Foster has been proven to be intelligent - his approach spared several hours of his life that would otherwise have been spent on pointless debate about waterproof cables and electricity. Brutalist as a style seems to have some advantages.
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Port-bottle table lamp

Post by djewesbury »

But that's any architect. Including the really bad ones. It doesn't make him not stupid. Also, it implies that anyone who is in the position to delegate things to other people can't be wrong. This is fallacious.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by DRT »

PhilW wrote:Derek's suggestion to use black sand is a good idea.
AW77 wrote:Derek's idea with the sand is really good
My ideas appear to be gaining popular support. Do you think David Cameron will insist on me being invited to participate in the election TV debate?
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by djewesbury »

Ed Miliband's ideas are more popular than yours. Popularity is a bad guide of either efficacy or right-mindedness.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by jdaw1 »

You lot are skilled at filling a good conversation with irrelevant rudeness.
djewesbury wrote:The sand makes it incredibly heavy.
The weight is a concern, especially if it would break a lamp being moved.
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Re: Port-bottle table lamp

Post by djewesbury »

jdaw1 wrote:You lot are skilled at filling a good conversation with irrelevant rudeness.
"Oh give over, we enjoy it," as Rita Tushingham's mum says in A Taste of Honey.
But some of us seriously do not want you to experiment with water-borne electrical delivery devices in your home.
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