The Laws of Port Consumption

[DRT]

Two new Laws have been established to assist Port drinkers avoid the more unpleasant after-effects of excessive consumption:

Rule 1: Wiseman's Rule
You must drink a combination of alcohol and water at no more than 4% volume. Thus, if one consumes 25cl of Port at 20% volume one must drink 1 litre of water to maintain equilibrium.

Rule 2: Turnbull's Rule
You must drink a combination of alcohol and water at no more than 4% volume. Thus, if one consumes 1 litre of water, one must consume 25cl of Port at 20% volume to maintain equilibrium.

I hope you find at least one of these laws useful.

Derek

[uncle tom]

Rule 3: Archer's rule

Just drink and fall down - tomorrow is another day..



Tom

[g-man]

Rule 4: Ghi's Rule

If you pour it, you shall drink it! Unless it's not true port in which case this rule can be considered on a case by case basis.

[Alex Bridgeman]

Rule 5 - Bridgeman's Law of Equilibrium
Consume no more than two glasses of port in a single evening.

Rule 6 - Bridgeman's Rule of Preparedness
Always have a large variety of glass sizes available, with the largest being no smaller than 150cl in capacity.

[Michael M.]

Not a rule, more like a consideration based on being interested in scientific matters.

May one consider human liver as a kind of muscle capable of beeing trained (?).

[oscar quevedo]

If you comply with Rule 4 and Rule 6 with a 25 cl capacity, and at the same time with Rule 1 or Rule 2 and with Rule 5, it means you are just using around 62% of all the capacity of your stomach, which is 4 liters.

You are being inefficient... So you will hardly comply with Rule 3...

I suggest a revision of the Rules..

[DRT]

If you comply with Rule 4 and Rule 6 with a 25 cl capacity, and at the same time with Rule 1 or Rule 2 and with Rule 5, it means you are just using around 62% of all the capacity of your stomach, which is 4 liters.

You are being inefficient... So you will hardly comply with Rule 3...

I suggest a revision of the Rules..

Here is a practical application of Rule 2 that will combat the scenario described by Oscar:

1. Drink 4 litres of water and 1 litre of Port over a 3 hour period.
2. Drain 1 litre from the bladder
3. Drink 1 litre of water and 250cl of port over the next hour
4. Drain 1 litre from the bladder
5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 above until invoking Rule 3

[Glenn E.]

If you comply with Rule 4 and Rule 6 with a 25 cl capacity, and at the same time with Rule 1 or Rule 2 and with Rule 5, it means you are just using around 62% of all the capacity of your stomach, which is 4 liters.

You are being inefficient... So you will hardly comply with Rule 3...

I suggest a revision of the Rules..

The Quevedo Corollary to Rule 6: the assortment of glass sizes available must be such that obeying rules 1, 2, 4, and 5 will invoke rule 3.

[g-man]

ugh, not adhereing to Rule #1 leads to a bad day.

[lngn2]

I've swear by Milk Thistle - Jancis Robinson recommended it on her site years ago - which helps avoid any nastiness the next day. I suppose this is rule #7 - Always take a tablet before your first glass...