The BIG Detox!!!

[DRT]

If you leave me your cellar, I guarantee that they will be “white on black and in an appropriate stencil font†. What else do I need to say to win?

You are definately the front runner and if I remember to update my will before I starve to death the cellar will be yours unless anyone comes up with a better promise.

Would it be helpful to mention that yesterday’s 14oz filet steak was excellent meat, and perfectly uncooked? The accompanying hash browns were OK but not really worthy of following-day praise.

No, it wouldn't be helpful.

Hash Browns with filet steak, never would have thought of that one, but now it sounds like my favourite dish in the whole world.

[Conky]

Day 3

Break, Nothing

Lunch, Tuna Mayo sandwich with spring onions, peppers and a tomato.

Dinner, Chicken breast, jacket potato, veg(As day 1)

Doing my swede in. Had to pop up the Club today and saw the lads having numerous Guinness. When they shouted my drink in, I had to cancel it, and explain why.
I was remarkably encouraged by a mate, who offered 'But Alan, even if you drop 5 stone, you'll still be an ugly get!'
I sloped off, muttering darkly.

Alan.

[Alex Bridgeman]

You are definately the front runner and if I remember to update my will before I starve to death the cellar will be yours unless anyone comes up with a better promise.

How about I promise to pour a bottle of 1965 VP onto your grave every year. This is a well known route to eternal life for people born in 1965.

In fact, it doesn't matter what you eat or don't eat for 364 days a year provided you drink a bottle of birth year on your birthday every year. Then you will live forever

I know this for a fact 'cos Derek told me so it must be true

Alex

[jdaw1]

You are definately the front runner and if I remember to update my will before I starve to death the cellar will be yours unless anyone comes up with a better promise.

How about I promise to pour a bottle of 1965 VP onto your grave every year. This is a well known route to eternal life for people born in 1965.

I would not waste your cellar in this manner. Instead I’ll toast your memory with every bottle of VP, and also make a donation to a monastery on condition that they pray that St Peter be generous to your soul.

[DRT]

Day 3: Update

Breakfast: Freshly squeezed apple, carrot, pear and ginger juice

Lunch: 1 apple plus a chicken salad with no tasty mayo or dressing

Dinner: Wholemeal pasta, sweet red pepper sauce and grilled chicken breast

Alcohol: None

State of Mind: Rather smug that I got to the end of the week without caving in - Oops, I just ate a slice of Christmas Cake - added at 00:51 on Day 4

Win My Cellar When I Die Competition: AHB has attempted to win favour by latching on to one of my deeply held beliefs that drinking a 1965 VP on my birthday each year will allow me to live forever. However, if I starve to death, pouring it over my cold dead corpse isn't really going to help me, is it - Jdaw continues to lead but has lost a few points for bringing religeon into the debate. St Peter and his Monastery are of no possible use to a man who does not hold any religeous beliefs whatsoever and is, in fact, convinced it is all complete codswallop

Derek

[jdaw1]

The monastery is cancelled — they don’t need my donation.

[DRT]

Good.

Current offers:

Jdaw will:

• punctuate properly on all labels
• ensure labels are white on black in an appropriate stencil font
• toast my memory with each bottle of VP

AHB will:

• pour all of my beloved 1965 VP's over my cold dead corpse

Jdaw is in front.

Derek

[jdaw1]

And I’ll start making extensive and repeated use of Derek T.’s favourite emoticon.

(Though if it isn’t that one just tell me and I’ll use whichever it is.)

[Andy Velebil]

Derek,

I'll drink it all, sharing it with friends that will also enjoy it, raise a toast to you in your honor every time, and tell old war-stories about our crazy adventures in Portugal while consuming said Ports. Of course I'll be older then and can embellish the stories all I want...after all you won't be around to correct me

[DRT]

Day 4:

Breakfast: Freshly squeezed avacado, kiwi, lemon, celery and apple juice; cornflakes

Lunch: smoked mackrel with raw carrot and tomato salad; apple, pear, carrot and lime juice

Dinner: Nothing - but had a home made pizza at midnight

Alcohol: 2 cans of lager, 2 cans of Guinness + 1 bottle of Noval 1982

State of Mind: Not feeling guilty at all

Win My Cellar When I Die Competition: will update tomorrow

Derek

[Alex Bridgeman]

As a late attempt to win your cellar when you die, I promise to:

(a) place a label on every bottle you own at the time of your demise stating "This is a bottle from the late Derek Turnbulls 'cellar."

(b) ensure that all apostrophes on the labels (front and rear) I print for your bottles are in the wrong place

(c) ensure that all tasting notes made of the wines from your cellar include at least one misplaced apostrophe; and

(d) to toast your memory at least once per day from a bottle that you owned, posthumously adding to the collection of your bottles as required in order achieve this action. I would form a club in order to do this where we meet at least once per year. The club would be called the CPTdC - or the Crusting Pipe Tiddly-drinkers Club. Membership would be restricted to allow in only those people prepared to enjoy drinking Derek's port.

Am I in with a chance?

Alex

[KillerB]

Friday:

Dinner: Swordfish with mushroom risotto and cherry tomatoes in Marsala and balsamic vinegar sauce;

Saturday:

Lunch: Lightly-curried scallops with stir-fried vegetables and noodles;

Dinner: Chilli with rice;

Sunday:

Lunch: Smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwich;

Dinner: Curry-spiced beef and vegetable stew.

I have noticed that I don't actually eat as much crap as I thought. I was doing this to annoy you but I actually eat quite healthily. Good job I haven't mentioned the beer, Port and wine though.

Nor the chocolate

[DRT]

Day 5: Sunday

Breakfast: Freshly squeezed juice; smoked haddock and poached egg

Lunch: more juice; chicken and (lean) bacon roasted in olive oil and lemon pepper with various vegetables and a sinfull Yorkshire pudding

Dinner: Cornflakes

Alcohol: None

State of Mind: Very good.

Win My Cellar If I Die Competition: Alex has redeemed himself somewhat and is now a very close second. Just for clarification - my cellar is only available to the winner in the event that I die as a result of the Big Detox.

Derek

[jdaw1]

Just to disambiguate, my promise was to toast your memory with all vintage and colheita port I drink subsequently, whether from your or my or someone else’s cellar.

[DRT]

Day 6: Monday

Breakfast: Porridge

Lunch: Nothing

Dinner: Roast pork loin with baked potato and veg

Alcohol: None

State of Mind: Happy. I am 5lbs lighter than I was on Day 1

Win My Cellar If I Die Competition: Jdaw stretches out a lead once again.

Derek

[jdaw1]

I am 5lbs lighter than I was on Day 1

A little smaller than my record overnight weight loss.

[DRT]

That is easily achieved. Drink 3 or 4 pints. Stand on the scales. Go to bed. Get up and pee. Stand on the scales. Bingo.

[jdaw1]

Win My Cellar If I Die Competition: Jdaw stretches out a lead once again.

The pedantic lawyer-type in me wonders how I’m going to enforce this against other claimants, even though their claims would be manifestly baseless.

[jdaw1]

That is easily achieved. Drink 3 or 4 pints. Stand on the scales. Go to bed. Get up and pee. Stand on the scales. Bingo.

Eight. Plus a curry.

[Luc]

Win My Cellar If I Die Competition: Jdaw stretches out a lead once again.

The pedantic lawyer-type in me wonders how I’m going to enforce this against other claimants, even though their claims would be manifestly baseless.

I argue that being an active member of TPF would allow me to lay an enforceable claim . . .

[jdaw1]

Win My Cellar If I Die Competition: Jdaw stretches out a lead once again.

The pedantic lawyer-type in me wonders how I’m going to enforce this against other claimants, even though their claims would be manifestly baseless.

I argue that being an active member of TPF would allow me to lay an enforceable claim . . .

“manifestly baseless†.

[Luc]

Julian,
Surely you don't mean you would accept a claim by an outsider . . . Gordon Brown for instance !

[jdaw1]

enforce this against other claimants, even though their claims would be manifestly baseless.

That includes you and Gordon Brown.

[Luc]

Thus ends my participation in this segment . . .

[Conky]

SEVEN DAYS! SENSIBLE FOOD AND NO ALCOHOL


It's been hard work, but I'm on the way...


(Anyone know any 20+ Stone starving Africans I can give my clothes to, if I can stick to it)