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Apostrophe crimes
Posted: 14:50 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by jdaw1
Derek T.’s apostrophes
Posted: 14:56 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by jdaw1
Posted: 15:51 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by KillerB
Surely you dont want everybodys apostrophe crime's shown in here. That way wed end up with a reams' of quote's which would just pis's the poor soul's off.
Posted: 16:16 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by Conky
I used to do my English Teachers head in as well! Only ended up with a C at English Languge O'Level, so she had a point!
So as well as needing a spellchecker on the Posts Tools we need a Grammer Check.
To be fair to Jdaw1, he did put it in the Meaningless Drivel Section.
Alan
Posted: 17:45 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by DRT
I plead guilty with no defence offered, apart from the weak mitigation stated below.
If Jdaw1 wishes to highlight my many apostrophie crimes that will appear here then I willl not be offendedn in any way.
As our last Prime Minister once said:
"Education, Education, Education, I wish we had thought of paying any attention to it in the state school system before now 
"
Out of interest, and to ensure Meaningless Drivel levels are maintained, I spent my first 3 school years being taught under a system known as ITA. This comprised a unique alphabet, based on our standard 26 letters, with the addition of extra characters to represent sounds such as oo, ee etc. So a key was a kee (with the two e's joined together). There were many other special characters and letter combinations, including backwards P's and upper case letters which were the same shape as our normal lower case cousins. As far as I remember there was almost no punctuation involved.
The outcome of this experiment is that almost all of the people subjected to this social experiment cannot spell or punctuate to this day. Can I just say now, Thanx too the Educasion Secreterie of the erly 197'0s, yoo maad speelchekin softwaer a nesescity
Der'ek
Conky’s apostrophe crimes
Posted: 17:52 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by jdaw1
Others were parodying, but this was careless:
Posted: 18:16 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by Conky
I was trying to speak Chav.
I tried 'Uset', 'youst' and 'use't' but wasn't sure they sounded correct phonetically. So I used the word 'used'.
Have you noticed how many apostrophe's I'm getting in this one.
Alan
Posted: 18:25 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by DRT
OK - I'm taking a big risk here, but I think jdaw1 was refering to the fact that the head belonged to the Teacher so the possesive rules apply to the "Teacher's head"
Go on jdaw1, blow me out of the water
Derek
Posted: 19:10 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by Conky
If your theory is correct, wouldn't it be
Teachers' head and not teacher's head
Over to Professor of English....Jdaw1
Alan
Posted: 19:15 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by KillerB
Teacher's head or Teachers' heads
Multiple teachers would have ‟teachers’ heads”
Posted: 20:33 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by jdaw1
Multiple teachers would have ‟teachers’ heads” (unless many teachers were sharing a single head). Let’s not go there.
Posted: 20:43 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by DRT
Does that mean I was right?
Posted: 20:49 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by KillerB
Coincidence, Derek, coincidence.
Posted: 20:52 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by Conky
Did you stipulate the number of heads any of the Teachers had??? No!
So its a draw.
Alan
Posted: 20:59 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by KillerB
If a teacher had more than one head, as many of mine did, then it would be "Teacher's heads". Although many teachers were of one mind they tended to have their own bonces to share it amongst, hence "Teacher's Head" for one teacher or "Teachers' Heads" for multiple teachers.
Can't see a case for "Teachers' Head" unless we are talking about Mr Lofthouse, the PE teacher, and his reputation with the French mistresses in the apparatus room
Posted: 21:53 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by Conky
I hope they call you for Jury Duty. That sort of logical astuteness could be vital in reaching a verdict, in an otherwise complex case!
Posted: 21:58 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by KillerB
I offered to sit on the jury for Mr Lofthouse as it happens.
Posted: 22:35 Sun 24 Jun 2007
by DRT
I've been on jury duty - it was a blast - I decided the guy was banged to rights the minute he stuck his little Chav head over the wall of the dock.
However, my opinion became somewhat irrelevant when it transpired he had mugged the grandmother of a
very senior policeman
A very entertaining week
Derek
Posted: 19:43 Mon 25 Jun 2007
by Luc
This is definitely verbal diahrea . . .
Posted: 21:27 Mon 25 Jun 2007
by DRT
Luc wrote:This is definitely verbal diahrea . . .
But you have to admit it is diahrea of the highest quality
Posted: 21:31 Mon 25 Jun 2007
by Conky
What is 'diahrea' ?
Is it when diarrhea starts to fall apart and gets all jumbled with letters missing?
Posted: 21:39 Mon 25 Jun 2007
by DRT
Conky wrote:What is 'diahrea' ?
Is it when diarrhea starts to fall apart and gets all jumbled with letters missing?
diahrea is the same as
diarrhea only it exists in a parallel universe
Posted: 08:56 Tue 26 Jun 2007
by KillerB
It is spelled DIARRHOEA, unless you are American, in which case you can drop the O.
Posted: 09:54 Tue 26 Jun 2007
by DRT
Perhaps if we changed the name of this area from Meaningless Drivel to Verbal Diarrhoea we would all remember how to spell it?
Derek
Posted: 10:00 Tue 26 Jun 2007
by KillerB
Likewise I could call it Antidisestablishmentarianists' Corner.
Antidisestablishmentarianists' Corner
Posted: 11:30 Tue 26 Jun 2007
by jdaw1
KillerB wrote:Likewise I could call it Antidisestablishmentarianists' Corner.
That’s always awkward. The corner could be used by one antidisestablishmentarianist (so ‟Antidisestablishmentarianist's”), but is intended for the use of many to discuss these things (‟Antidisestablishmentarianists'”, as you wrote, and with non-curly quotation mark for clarity). Either way would leave me slightly uncomfortable. Because it is for the individual use of antidisestablishmentarianists, rather than their collective use, I would have gone for ‟Antidisestablishmentarianist's”, but some authorial preference is allowed.
Posted: 11:37 Tue 26 Jun 2007
by KillerB
I'll be honest, I just wanted a 29 letter word, but I do believe that you should stick all the antidisestablishmentarianists in a corner
Posted: 11:41 Tue 26 Jun 2007
by Conky
Can I say you guys have really taken 'Meaningless Drivel' to heart. Well done. An example to us all.
Posted: 12:11 Tue 26 Jun 2007
by KillerB
Thank you, that's much appreciated.
Jay P’s apostrophe crimes
Posted: 05:59 Wed 27 Jun 2007
by jdaw1
Posted: 16:16 Wed 04 Jul 2007
by Luc
Derek T. wrote:Luc wrote:This is definitely verbal diahrea . . .
But you have to admit it is diahrea of the highest quality
On a quality scale It rates an A+ , just below Premium
Posted: 18:07 Wed 04 Jul 2007
by Conky
Luc,
Still waiting for your photo????
Now that will kick off a bout of Meaningless Drivel of
Premium quality.
Alan
antidisestablishmentarianist
Posted: 18:09 Wed 04 Jul 2007
by jdaw1
Oh, I forgot to say. I am an antidisestablishmentarianist. Into which corner should I go?
Re: Antidisestablishmentarianists' Corner
Posted: 18:12 Wed 04 Jul 2007
by Conky
jdaw1 wrote:KillerB wrote:Likewise I could call it Antidisestablishmentarianists' Corner.
That’s always awkward. The corner could be used by one antidisestablishmentarianist (so ‟Antidisestablishmentarianist's”), but is intended for the use of many to discuss these things (‟Antidisestablishmentarianists'”, as you wrote, and with non-curly quotation mark for clarity). Either way would leave me slightly uncomfortable. Because it is for the individual use of antidisestablishmentarianists, rather than their collective use, I would have gone for ‟Antidisestablishmentarianist's”, but some authorial preference is allowed.
After that Post, could I suggest the corner just beyond the reaches of the Human Ear!
Alan
Conky’s apostrophe crime
Posted: 02:15 Thu 05 Jul 2007
by jdaw1
Derek T.’s “who's”
Posted: 19:35 Thu 05 Jul 2007
by jdaw1
The punishment should be harsher for not knowing that an ellipsis contains exactly three dots.
Posted: 19:47 Thu 05 Jul 2007
by Conky
Hear,Hear...You Scoundrel and Vagabond!
Re: Derek T.’s “who's”
Posted: 23:34 Thu 05 Jul 2007
by Luc
jdaw1 wrote:
The punishment should be harsher for not knowing that an ellipsis contains exactly three dots.
People who are epileptic have more than 3 dots . ( I should know , as I am a member of this fraternity . )
Re: Derek T.’s “who's”
Posted: 00:31 Fri 06 Jul 2007
by jdaw1
Luc wrote:People who are epileptic have more than 3 dots
Well, not literally. Try Alt-0133 on a PC, or option-semicolon on a Mac to get “…”.
Metaphorically, well, anything could happen.
Posted: 11:35 Fri 06 Jul 2007
by Alex Bridgeman
I sincerely and absolutely hope that no-one browsing the forum for the first time comes across this "will-to-live" sapping thread.
I now need to find a different corner and gnaw off my arm...
Alex
Was that reply helpful?
Posted: 13:01 Fri 06 Jul 2007
by jdaw1
AHB wrote:this "will-to-live" sapping thread
A difficult case. ‟Will to live” needs to be joined together, which can be done with hyphens. But then this compound thing needs to be joined with ‟sapping”. Possibilities include
- will-to-live-sapping (which fails to capture the two-level hierarchy);
- will-to-live sapping (failing to do the outer join);
- ‘will to live’-sapping (my preference).
But double-compounding will-to-live by surrounding it with non-curly double quotation marks, and then not joining it to the sapping: well, what can I say?
Was that reply helpful?
PS: why not leave me to talk to myself in this thread. Anything else would only be worse.
Posted: 09:38 Sat 07 Jul 2007
by Alex Bridgeman
I enjoyed that reply. Leaving you to talk to your self would be a real shame:- one that only the punctuation police would appreciate!
Have fun
m-dash (‟”””) not a hyphen (‟-”)
Posted: 17:21 Sun 08 Jul 2007
by jdaw1
Even I’m willing to acknowledge that this is a pedantic complaint (in other words, do consider the merits of not reading further), but that really should be an m-dash (‟ ”) not a hyphen (‟-”). Normally I wouldn’t say anything, but as we’re going to be seeing many copies of that signature, maybe one small hint will be allowed.
Posted: 20:17 Sun 08 Jul 2007
by Alex Bridgeman
Julian,
If you can tell me how to get an m-dash on my keyboard then I will gladly change it. I had hoped that the forum software would be as intelligent as word and make the adjustment for me but, sadly, it didn't.
Educate me and I will change...
Alex
M-dash
Posted: 20:30 Sun 08 Jul 2007
by jdaw1
PC? Hold down Alt, and type 0151 on the numeric keypad. (If that doesn’t cope, change the NumLock setting.)
Mac? Good man: Shift-Option-hyphen.
Neither: copy-paste mine from above.
While you are at it, a pedant’s ellipsis is one character (“…” not ‟...”), being Alt-0133 or Option-;.
Posted: 21:55 Sun 08 Jul 2007
by DRT
jdaw,
I have laid at least 2 apostrophe traps in the past 48 hours and you haven't picked them up - you seem to be losing your touch
Derek
Posted: 21:58 Sun 08 Jul 2007
by Conky
I hope not. I print this thread off each night and go to bed to try to disect and memorise it.
Best Insomnia Cure I know!
Alan
at least 2 apostrophe traps
Posted: 01:45 Mon 09 Jul 2007
by jdaw1
Derek T. wrote:I have laid at least 2 apostrophe traps in the past 48 hours and you haven't picked them up - you seem to be losing your touch
Derek
There are people whose wisdom I value, and to whose words I pay close attention. This is a strict subset of all humanity.
Derek T. wrote:at least 2 apostrophe traps
But, to be fair, at least you admit to not knowing how many errors you have made.
Re: M-dash
Posted: 08:26 Mon 09 Jul 2007
by Alex Bridgeman
jdaw1 wrote:PC? Hold down Alt, and type 0151 on the numeric keypad. (If that doesn’t cope, change the NumLock setting.)
Mac? Good man: Shift-Option-hyphen.
Neither: copy-paste mine from above.
While you are at it, a pedant’s ellipsis is one character (“…” not “...”), being Alt-0133 or Option-;.
I've changed my signature in my profile to the new m-dash and, low and behold, all signatures have been updated. Hurrah!
I must admit, I do find this thread one of the most amusing to follow, frequently generating a quickly stifled snort of laughter.
Alex
non-obvious characters
Posted: 15:41 Tue 10 Jul 2007
by jdaw1
Alex asked me for a list of non-obvious characters available from most computers, which should include: ┚¬