MaryAnne Wiseman (SCP-DFF)

SCP-DFF · Post by **SCP-DFF** » 08:22 Mon 19 Oct 2009

Hello Everyone!

My husband, JDAW, asked me to introduce myself. So here I am. It's nice to meet you all. I've heard many many things about this crowd, and mostly, how much this forum means to my husband. Quite frankly, I think he's a little obsessed with this forum, and port, but what's a passion if not slightly obsessed with it?

So apparently one weekend, while DT was here with us in Paris not long ago, they appointed me SCP-DFF (Supreme Commander Port-Drinking Forces France). To which I just rolled my eyes at and accepted. And also, DT's girl is SCP-DFE (I think). Not sure if she accepted, but I recommend that she does. It keeps us involved. And if I have any say in the amount of drink my husband has, then I'll take what I can get.

In any case, port is good. I like to too. And because J's been my hubby for the past 4ish years, he's spoiled me and now a 1980 of any port is like 'eh, that's cool', whereas back 6 years ago if someone served me anything from 1980, I'd be severely impressed. Severely. One has to serve me at least a '70 or from a house like Quinta Do Noval ''Nationale". A '31 would be nice too.

You all probably know that we've just moved to Paris into a house. I'm very much looking forward to inviting those who wish to come visit us for a sweet port tasting. I'll make the nosh (I'm told boys' nosh is needed), and we have enough space to have 3 or 4 guests stay over. Drunk guests by the time we're done with the tasting.

Looking forward to meeting you all in person!

Cheers!
Mrs W

KillerB · Post by **KillerB** » 08:27 Mon 19 Oct 2009

MaryAnne,

Great to have you on board and thank you for the offer of such hospitality. I look forward to meeting you,

Alex

Post by **DRT** » 08:58 Mon 19 Oct 2009

SCP-DFF (to use your proper name),

Welcome to

I must object to the following:

SCP-DFF wrote:Quite frankly, I think he's a little obsessed with this forum, and port,

You have not been watching closely enough. He, JDAW, is not just "a little obsessed" - he lives, breathes and sleeps thinking about 150 year old Port Shipper calalogues and the need to have Vintage Port shipped in 15l bottles. He cares deeply about whether or not there is a difference between ‟Thompson & Croft 1887, bottled 1890, at 115/0 per dozen" versus the standard Croft 1887. He makes placemats for port tastings that require more lines of code than it took to send men to the moon. Do these sound like the sort of things that display that someone is "a little obsessed"?

Anyway, thank you for your very kind hospitality during my recent visit to Paris. I very much look forward to visiting again to enjoy more boy's nosh (no greens required) and meeting you and your lovely children again in the not too distant future.

Derek

PS: Jo is SCP-DFD, and has accepted the appointment.

JacobH · Post by **JacobH** » 10:01 Mon 19 Oct 2009

Hi, MaryAnne. Welcome to

!

DRT wrote:He makes placemats for port tastings that require more lines of code than it took to send men to the moon.

This, of course, begs a question...Unfortunately, using the source-code in John Pultorak's "Block I Apollo Guidance Computer (AGC): How to build one in your basement", it seems that an implementation of the basic instruction set used to run the AGC ran to 9,500 lines of code: the placemat software is only 8,100. A safer line of reasoning might be to compare the amount of processing power required to generate a placemat with the the amount required to send a man to the moon...

Post by **DRT** » 10:21 Mon 19 Oct 2009

JacobH wrote:Hi, MaryAnne. Welcome to !

DRT wrote:He makes placemats for port tastings that require more lines of code than it took to send men to the moon.
This, of course, begs a question...Unfortunately, using the source-code in John Pultorak's "Block I Apollo Guidance Computer (AGC): How to build one in your basement", it seems that an implementation of the basic instruction set used to run the AGC ran to 9,500 lines of code: the placemat software is only 8,100. A safer line of reasoning might be to compare the amount of processing power required to generate a placemat with the the amount required to send a man to the moon...

SCP-DFF,

Hopefully Jacob's reply will re-assure you that your husband is not alone here

DRT

Post by **Alex Bridgeman** » 22:02 Mon 19 Oct 2009

Mary-Anne - it is a pleasure to welcome you to the Board. Having had the (brief) pleasure of meeting you a couple of times in New York, I look forward to meeting you in Paris or London in due course in the not-too-distant future.

Derek - when are we going to welcome the SCP-DFD to the forum?

Alex

Post by **DRT** » 22:30 Mon 19 Oct 2009

AHB wrote: Derek - when are we going to welcome the SCP-DFD to the forum?

I think one member inviting the Mrs to watch his every move is enough trouble, don't you?

Post by **jdaw1** » 21:00 Tue 20 Oct 2009

JacobH wrote:A safer line of reasoning might be to compare the amount of processing power required to generate a placemat with the the amount required to send a man to the moon...

Not quite fair. If I were processor-constrained the placemat would go direct-to-paper, rather than via PDF. Though it uses PostScript level 2, the level 2 features could easily be purged if needed. So a c1987 1M printer would work quite well. Whether the software could work on something twenty years older: well, yes, but not quickly. Three or four seconds distillation time on my Mac could become a few hours print time: would that be a problem?

SCP-DFF · Post by **SCP-DFF** » 08:19 Wed 21 Oct 2009

DRT wrote:Hopefully Jacob's reply will re-assure you that your husband is not alone here

Thanks Derek, it only confirms what I've suspected from way back in the beginning - that you're all crazy.

Now let's see...Jacob's post opened up yet another question - Was the guidance computer the only one on Apollo? (I'm almost afraid of who and what will come back as an answer.)

Alex - hopefully you'll come to Paris too. It'll be nice to see you again and perhaps enjoy an excellent port tasting chez nous. Everyone's invited. And those who come over must over must let me know what you like to eat. I know from DRT and my husband that greens are forbidden. But does that include all of you?

Mrs W.

benread · Post by **benread** » 16:44 Wed 21 Oct 2009

MaryAnne,

We have not met, but clearly you are a wonderful woman! As to your last question about greens, may I repeat something I have said to others before:

A healthy balanced diet consists of 4 things:

Red meat; white meat; beer; wine.

Anything else is just garnish!

One observation - a difference between you and Julian. You ask what we would like if we visit. He asks what (bottles of port) we can bring if we visit!

Nice to "meet" you.

Ben

JacobH · Post by **JacobH** » 11:45 Sat 24 Oct 2009

jdaw1 wrote:
JacobH wrote:A safer line of reasoning might be to compare the amount of processing power required to generate a placemat with the the amount required to send a man to the moon...
Not quite fair. If I were processor-constrained the placemat would go direct-to-paper, rather than via PDF. Though it uses PostScript level 2, the level 2 features could easily be purged if needed. So a c1987 1M printer would work quite well. Whether the software could work on something twenty years older: well, yes, but not quickly. Three or four seconds distillation time on my Mac could become a few hours print time: would that be a problem?

Apple tells us that the Laserwriter (which I believe was the first PostScript Printer) ran at 12Mhz in 1985, with the Apollo Guidance Computer "effectively" running at 0.043 MHz. Assuming that the AGC could print directly to paper, could that produce a placemat within the time of an average Apollo mission? Even when printing directly to paper, would 1.5MB of RAM (the Laserwriter) or 2 kilowords of reusable memory (the AGC) be sufficient?

RonnieRoots · Post by **RonnieRoots** » 12:24 Sat 24 Oct 2009

Nice to see you here MaryAnne, hopefully we'll meet one day.

I actually like greens.

Post by **jdaw1** » 12:28 Sat 24 Oct 2009

Hmmm, 280× slower: a few seconds becomes an hour. But the 2 kilowords of memory is a problem. OK, maybe the placemat software couldn’t run on the Apollo mission guidance computers.

I don’t think an explicit disclaimer is needed (‟This program is not designed to be executed on a guidance computer used in an Apollo mission. More memory is required.”).

Post by **DRT** » 13:12 Sat 24 Oct 2009

jdaw1 wrote:‟This program is not designed to be executed on a guidance computer used in an Apollo mission. More memory is required.”

Given the slow but certain march towards a USA-style litigious society I think such a disclaimer in the header would a wise precautionary move.

g-man · Post by **g-man** » 03:13 Fri 06 Nov 2009

Ah, so this is who the mysterious person who posts as JDAW1 at times is!

glad to have shared a 1924 with you!

For a little bit, I thought Julian might have been making up the wife for the 2 years I've drunk with him!

SCP-DFF · Post by **SCP-DFF** » 19:11 Mon 09 Nov 2009

benread wrote:MaryAnne,

A healthy balanced diet consists of 4 things:

Red meat; white meat; beer; wine.

Anything else is just garnish!

Ben

Hi Ben,

Are you married Ben? Does your woman make you eat the 'garnish' is she makes it? Do you live on the RM, WM, B, & W exclusively? I was telling Julian that I'd be interested in gathering the average cholesterol and triglycerides count from everyone on this forum. I know DRT's preferred diet. And I hear about my husband's preference on a daily basis. I'm afraid what the results would be.

SCP-DFF.

Post by **DRT** » 19:31 Mon 09 Nov 2009

SCP-DFF wrote: I'd be interested in gathering the average cholesterol and triglycerides count from everyone on this forum.

JDAW & Admin,

May I suggest that the words highlighted in red in the above post be added to the "banned" list to avoid causing undue stress and concern to our beloved members?

Glenn E. · Post by **Glenn E.** » 20:34 Mon 09 Nov 2009

SCP-DFF wrote:I'd be interested in gathering the average cholesterol and triglycerides count from everyone on this forum.

My cholesterol is moderately high due to heredity - everyone in my family has high cholesterol, but since they've been living into their 90s I'm not all that worried about it. My HDL/LDL ratio is reasonable, though, and my doctor tells me that the ratio matters more than the total cholesterol score.

If my triglycerides have ever been measured, no one bothered to tell me the result.

I run 3-4 miles 4-5 times per week, though "run" is perhaps overstating my pace. Still, that burns off 500 or so calories each time which is equal to ~3 standard servings of Port. As it turns out, many things can be stated in Port Serving Equivalents (PSE). 1 bottle of your typical sports drink = 1 PSE. 1 unconscionably small serving of perfectly seared beef tenderloin = 2 PSE. 1 much more reasonable serving of perfectly seared beef tenderloin = 4 PSE. 1 large baked potato, liberally annointed with "the works" = 3 PSE. And so on.

Post by **jdaw1** » 21:28 Mon 09 Nov 2009

There is nothing I can do other than apologise unreservedly for the embarrassment caused by this improper question. Please pretend not to notice make polite conversation among yourselves.

Garnish is there to look pretty. Course you don’t eat it.

Post by **DRT** » 21:44 Mon 09 Nov 2009

Glenn E. wrote:500 or so calories...is equal to ~3 standard servings of Port. As it turns out, many things can be stated in Port Serving Equivalents (PSE).

It is a little known fact that the act of selecting and withdrawing a bottle from one's cellar, removing the seal, uncorking it, decanting it, and pouring a measure of port into a glass 14 times over a 4 to 5 hour period burns off precisely the equivalent of 15 PSEs.

Post by **jdaw1** » 21:48 Mon 09 Nov 2009

Plus washing the decanter and glass! Sixteen.

Post by **DRT** » 21:53 Mon 09 Nov 2009

jdaw1 wrote:Plus washing the decanter and glass! Sixteen.

Not to mention that 5 glasses of port is your "five-a-day" on the fruit-n-veg front.

Now here is a thought: Ferreira 1830 has a distinctly green hue. If you drink that with a slab of beef does that count as having "greens"?

Post by **jdaw1** » 22:06 Mon 09 Nov 2009

DRT wrote:Now here is a thought: Ferreira 1830 has a distinctly green hue. If you drink that with a slab of beef does that count as having "greens"?

Careful with that. Telling your doc that you ‟had your greens once” might prove unproductive.

Post by **DRT** » 22:21 Mon 09 Nov 2009

jdaw1 wrote:
DRT wrote:Now here is a thought: Ferreira 1830 has a distinctly green hue. If you drink that with a slab of beef does that count as having "greens"?
Careful with that. Telling your doc that you ‟had your greens once” might prove unproductive.

I suppose there is little chance of a lifetime supply of Fr1830 on prescription from the NHS

Glenn E. · Post by **Glenn E.** » 00:51 Tue 10 Nov 2009

DRT wrote:
jdaw1 wrote:Plus washing the decanter and glass! Sixteen.
Not to mention that 5 glasses of port is your "five-a-day" on the fruit-n-veg front.

Now here is a thought: Ferreira 1830 has a distinctly green hue. If you drink that with a slab of beef does that count as having "greens"?

Obviously. Madeira also is often noted as having a green tinge at the rim, though I'm no fonder of Madeira than I am of the "yard waste" salads that seem to be so in vogue at fancy restaurants.

SushiNorth · Post by **SushiNorth** » 02:42 Tue 17 Nov 2009

Glad to see you here on the forum, but sad that you and JDaw left NYC. I'm not sure if you remember, but it was g-man and I at that farewell NYC tasting in The French Roast. Chol is normal, tri's are a borderline

SCP-DFF · Post by **SCP-DFF** » 06:29 Tue 17 Nov 2009

SushiNorth wrote:Glad to see you here on the forum, but sad that you and JDaw left NYC. I'm not sure if you remember, but it was g-man and I at that farewell NYC tasting in The French Roast. Chol is normal, tri's are a borderline

Hi there (forgot your name),

Thanks for the note. Yes, we are also a bit sad about leaving NY, me more than Julian, but Paris is wonderful and we're settling nicely here. Hopefully you'll be able to come over the pond and visit for a port tasting! Julian is happy here also because he gets to go to more tastings in or near London! And oh, the beer! Fahget about it! If fact, J is in the UK right now having some fun. He was at a port tasting last Friday. He probably posted some tasting notes about it too!

Anyway, glad to have met you, even if it was only for the farewell gathering at French Roast.

-MaryAnne AKA SCP-DFF

SCP-DFF · Post by **SCP-DFF** » 14:49 Wed 14 Apr 2010

Can you tell what my Avatar is?

benread · Post by **benread** » 16:49 Wed 14 Apr 2010

Apart from poorly focussed and unable to be enlarged, I can only guess. It appears to be something like a large bowl of ice cream or a plucked but uncooked chicken. Am I close?!

Post by **DRT** » 17:53 Wed 14 Apr 2010

SCP-DFF wrote:Can you tell what my Avatar is?

Foie Gras?

SCP-DFF · Post by **SCP-DFF** » 18:09 Wed 14 Apr 2010

My heroic husband came to my rescue and helped me improve my avatar. Hurray for hubby! Now it looks better. Nice guess DRT. I do love foie gras, but I think I love ice cream better. It's my favorite thing. Ben, you were right.

Now I feel more official with a legit avatar.

SCP-DFF

Post by **DRT** » 18:42 Wed 14 Apr 2010

SCP-DFF wrote:I do love foie gras, but I think I love ice cream better. It's my favorite thing.

So are you telling us you love ice cream more than you love your heroic husband?

Post by **jdaw1** » 19:13 Wed 14 Apr 2010

DRT wrote:So are you telling us you love ice cream more than you love your heroic husband?

That’s quite enough of this conversation, thank you very much.

Post by **DRT** » 21:00 Wed 14 Apr 2010

jdaw1 wrote:
DRT wrote:So are you telling us you love ice cream more than you love your heroic husband?
That’s quite enough of this conversation, thank you very much.

May I remind you that it was you who invited your good lady to join us here. A decision that you will have to live with and accept the consequences of for a very long time.

Now then, Mary-Anne, back to the subject at hand: A big bowl of home-made chocolate ice cream or a heroic husband?

Glenn E. · Post by **Glenn E.** » 21:17 Wed 14 Apr 2010

DRT wrote:Now then, Mary-Anne, back to the subject at hand: A big bowl of home-made chocolate ice cream or a heroic husband?

Pfft, Derek, that's not even a choice.

The big bowl of ice cream, while wonderous at the time, is one and done.

The heroic husband, on the other hand, supplies a regular stream of Port to drink.

Even *I* would choose correctly in this instance.

Post by **jdaw1** » 21:27 Wed 14 Apr 2010

jdaw1 wrote:That’s quite enough of this conversation, thank you very much.

I wasn’t wrong.

Post by **DRT** » 21:38 Wed 14 Apr 2010

OK - we have established that Glenn would rather have Julian as a husband than eat a bowl of chocolate ice cream. An interesting choice but not really where I thought this conversation would go.

I think SCP-DFF's opinion is essential to bring some focus back to this conversation.

Post by **jdaw1** » 06:57 Thu 15 Apr 2010

My wife’s opinion is surely that the heroic husband is better than a lifetime of ice cream. Isn’t that right dear.

SCP-DFF · Post by **SCP-DFF** » 09:02 Thu 15 Apr 2010

jdaw1 wrote:My wife’s opinion is surely that the heroic husband is better than a lifetime of ice cream. Isn’t that right dear.

You boys like to play a dangerous game. DRT hiking up the stakes!

Hmmmm, yes, the question at hand. Well, yes, I do love a huge bowl of scrumptious ice cream. But, let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a beautiful woman who was in a major crisis. Desperation. She was having a severe ice cream craving. It was *ahem* that time of the month. Major crisis. Fear not, she had her heroic man (who is now said husband), hairy bare-chested, with black leather riding boots and sword in sheath, he immediately jumped on his horse, and swiftly went to all the ice cream shops in downtown Manhattan gathering as much of my favorite flavor as he could find (chocolate peanut butter cookie dough). And with bravery, battled his way back to his damsel in distress, with little effort, and saved his beautiful woman into ice cream bliss. She kissed her bare-chested hero and they lived happily ever after.

Yes, that damsel in distress was me. Indeed! So, I would have to say, and agree with Glenn that if it wasn't for my man, I just may have died from ice cream deprivation, AND he also saves me from port deficiency syndrome as well! As we see, it's the hubby that needs to stay. He'll be the hero to eternally fulfill my desires. All of them!

I know all my women friends want a heroic man just like mine!

SCP-DFF.

Post by **jdaw1** » 09:05 Thu 15 Apr 2010

jdaw1 wrote:
jdaw1 wrote:That’s quite enough of this conversation, thank you very much.
I wasn’t wrong.

DRT wrote:OK - we have established that Glenn would rather have Julian as a husband than eat a bowl of chocolate ice cream. An interesting choice but not really where I thought this conversation would go.

SCP-DFF wrote:her heroic man (who is now said husband), hairy bare-chested, with black leather riding boots and sword in sheath

I wasn’t wrong.

JacobH · Post by **JacobH** » 09:16 Thu 15 Apr 2010

SCP-DFF wrote:
jdaw1 wrote:My wife’s opinion is surely that the heroic husband is better than a lifetime of ice cream. Isn’t that right dear.
You boys like to play a dangerous game. DRT hiking up the stakes! [...]

I could have sworn this post was by jdaw1 about five minutes ago...

Post by **jdaw1** » 09:22 Thu 15 Apr 2010

JacobH wrote:I could have sworn this post was by jdaw1 about five minutes ago...

The Supreme Commander posted from her computer, unaware that I was logged in from there. When error realised there was copying; deleting; logging out; logging in; reposting.

JacobH · Post by **JacobH** » 09:31 Thu 15 Apr 2010

jdaw1 wrote:
JacobH wrote:I could have sworn this post was by jdaw1 about five minutes ago...
The Supreme Commander posted from her computer, unaware that I was logged in from there. When error realised there was copying; deleting; logging out; logging in; reposting.

I am alarmed by the lack of electronic security at HQ SCP-DFF. A full investigation should surely follow. Can we be assured that any commands from her are from her alone?

SCP-DFF · Post by **SCP-DFF** » 09:34 Thu 15 Apr 2010

No female alter-ego necessary for my bare-chested, sword-in-sheath hero!

Surely Julian wouldn't do such a thing!

Post by **DRT** » 20:03 Thu 15 Apr 2010

SCP-DFF wrote:a major crisis. Desperation....It was *ahem* that time of the month.

I assume you mean the mid-point between monthly

off-lines at The Crusting Pipe? Yes, I agree entirely that it is a difficult time for anyone.

The image of a bare-chested Julian charging up 5th Avenue on a horse in black leather boots with his sword sheathed is an image that will unfortunately be difficult to lose. Thanks for sharing.

I will never eat ice cream again

Zelandakh · Post by **Zelandakh** » 16:32 Fri 16 Apr 2010

From the desk of Deputy Director of Derek-Induced Hangovers, somewhere to the left of London.

Dear Supreme Commander Port-Drinking Forces France,
Welcome indeed and I trust that the comic interplay will continue for some time although I suggest that perhaps his and hers matching computers may resolve some confusion - principally among your fellow members. I too now have visions of Mr SCP-DFF mounted on his charger, clad in his motorbike boots and sword in sheath (the mind boggles). Since he voluntarily becomes the ice cream hunter/gatherer AND supplies you in port, I may also have the chance to complete to be Mrs JDAW1???

Nick

Post by **jdaw1** » 18:18 Fri 16 Apr 2010

jdaw1 wrote:
jdaw1 wrote:That’s quite enough of this conversation, thank you very much.
I wasn’t wrong.

Zelandakh wrote:Since he voluntarily becomes the ice cream hunter/gatherer AND supplies you in port, I may also have the chance to complete to be Mrs JDAW1???

I wasn’t wrong.