Apostrophe crimes

[jdaw1]

Alan (The man who see's all the Cruz Bargains!)

This bottling of Sandeman 1963 seems to be outliving it’s siblings.

[jdaw1]

Although enjoyable, I was disappointed in this wine given it’s provenance (purchased from Noval in VNG in 2005) and it’s hefty price tag.

[KillerB]

Surely you dont want everybodys apostrophe crime's shown in here. That way wed end up with a reams' of quote's which would just pis's the poor soul's off.

[Conky]

I used to do my English Teachers head in as well! Only ended up with a C at English Languge O'Level, so she had a point!

So as well as needing a spellchecker on the Posts Tools we need a Grammer Check.

To be fair to Jdaw1, he did put it in the Meaningless Drivel Section.

Alan

[DRT]

I plead guilty with no defence offered, apart from the weak mitigation stated below.

If Jdaw1 wishes to highlight my many apostrophie crimes that will appear here then I willl not be offendedn in any way.

As our last Prime Minister once said:

"Education, Education, Education, I wish we had thought of paying any attention to it in the state school system before now "

Out of interest, and to ensure Meaningless Drivel levels are maintained, I spent my first 3 school years being taught under a system known as ITA. This comprised a unique alphabet, based on our standard 26 letters, with the addition of extra characters to represent sounds such as oo, ee etc. So a key was a kee (with the two e's joined together). There were many other special characters and letter combinations, including backwards P's and upper case letters which were the same shape as our normal lower case cousins. As far as I remember there was almost no punctuation involved.

The outcome of this experiment is that almost all of the people subjected to this social experiment cannot spell or punctuate to this day. Can I just say now, Thanx too the Educasion Secreterie of the erly 197'0s, yoo maad speelchekin softwaer a nesescity

Der'ek

[jdaw1]

Others were parodying, but this was careless:

I used to do my English Teachers head in as well!

[Conky]

I was trying to speak Chav.
I tried 'Uset', 'youst' and 'use't' but wasn't sure they sounded correct phonetically. So I used the word 'used'.
Have you noticed how many apostrophe's I'm getting in this one.

Alan

[DRT]

OK - I'm taking a big risk here, but I think jdaw1 was refering to the fact that the head belonged to the Teacher so the possesive rules apply to the "Teacher's head"

Go on jdaw1, blow me out of the water

Derek

[Conky]

If your theory is correct, wouldn't it be

Teachers' head and not teacher's head

Over to Professor of English....Jdaw1

Alan

[KillerB]

Teacher's head or Teachers' heads

[jdaw1]

Multiple teachers would have ‟teachers’ heads” (unless many teachers were sharing a single head). Let’s not go there.

[DRT]

Does that mean I was right?

[KillerB]

Coincidence, Derek, coincidence.

[Conky]

Did you stipulate the number of heads any of the Teachers had??? No!

So its a draw.

Alan

[KillerB]

If a teacher had more than one head, as many of mine did, then it would be "Teacher's heads". Although many teachers were of one mind they tended to have their own bonces to share it amongst, hence "Teacher's Head" for one teacher or "Teachers' Heads" for multiple teachers.

Can't see a case for "Teachers' Head" unless we are talking about Mr Lofthouse, the PE teacher, and his reputation with the French mistresses in the apparatus room

[Conky]

I hope they call you for Jury Duty. That sort of logical astuteness could be vital in reaching a verdict, in an otherwise complex case!

[KillerB]

I offered to sit on the jury for Mr Lofthouse as it happens.

[DRT]

I've been on jury duty - it was a blast - I decided the guy was banged to rights the minute he stuck his little Chav head over the wall of the dock.

However, my opinion became somewhat irrelevant when it transpired he had mugged the grandmother of a very senior policeman

A very entertaining week

Derek

[Luc]

This is definitely verbal diahrea . . .

[DRT]

This is definitely verbal diahrea . . .

But you have to admit it is diahrea of the highest quality

[Conky]

What is 'diahrea' ?

Is it when diarrhea starts to fall apart and gets all jumbled with letters missing?

[DRT]

What is 'diahrea' ?

Is it when diarrhea starts to fall apart and gets all jumbled with letters missing?

diahrea is the same as diarrhea only it exists in a parallel universe

[KillerB]

It is spelled DIARRHOEA, unless you are American, in which case you can drop the O.

[DRT]

Perhaps if we changed the name of this area from Meaningless Drivel to Verbal Diarrhoea we would all remember how to spell it?

Derek

[KillerB]

Likewise I could call it Antidisestablishmentarianists' Corner.

[jdaw1]

Likewise I could call it Antidisestablishmentarianists' Corner.

That’s always awkward. The corner could be used by one antidisestablishmentarianist (so ‟Antidisestablishmentarianist's”), but is intended for the use of many to discuss these things (‟Antidisestablishmentarianists'”, as you wrote, and with non-curly quotation mark for clarity). Either way would leave me slightly uncomfortable. Because it is for the individual use of antidisestablishmentarianists, rather than their collective use, I would have gone for ‟Antidisestablishmentarianist's”, but some authorial preference is allowed.

[KillerB]

I'll be honest, I just wanted a 29 letter word, but I do believe that you should stick all the antidisestablishmentarianists in a corner

[Conky]

Can I say you guys have really taken 'Meaningless Drivel' to heart. Well done. An example to us all.

[KillerB]

Thank you, that's much appreciated.

[jdaw1]

Marketing at it's best.

[Luc]

This is definitely verbal diahrea . . .

But you have to admit it is diahrea of the highest quality

On a quality scale It rates an A+ , just below Premium

[Conky]

Luc,

Still waiting for your photo????

Now that will kick off a bout of Meaningless Drivel of Premium quality.

Alan

[jdaw1]

Oh, I forgot to say. I am an antidisestablishmentarianist. Into which corner should I go?

[Conky]

Likewise I could call it Antidisestablishmentarianists' Corner.

That’s always awkward. The corner could be used by one antidisestablishmentarianist (so ‟Antidisestablishmentarianist's”), but is intended for the use of many to discuss these things (‟Antidisestablishmentarianists'”, as you wrote, and with non-curly quotation mark for clarity). Either way would leave me slightly uncomfortable. Because it is for the individual use of antidisestablishmentarianists, rather than their collective use, I would have gone for ‟Antidisestablishmentarianist's”, but some authorial preference is allowed.

After that Post, could I suggest the corner just beyond the reaches of the Human Ear!

Alan

[jdaw1]

Could be genetic, as in, in your familys jeans.!

[jdaw1]

....and I have a rule that says "never hit on a girl who's husband is on the same forum"

The punishment should be harsher for not knowing that an ellipsis contains exactly three dots.

[Conky]

Hear,Hear...You Scoundrel and Vagabond!

[Luc]

....and I have a rule that says "never hit on a girl who's husband is on the same forum"

The punishment should be harsher for not knowing that an ellipsis contains exactly three dots.

People who are epileptic have more than 3 dots . ( I should know , as I am a member of this fraternity . )

[jdaw1]

People who are epileptic have more than 3 dots

Well, not literally. Try Alt-0133 on a PC, or option-semicolon on a Mac to get “…”.

Metaphorically, well, anything could happen.

[Alex Bridgeman]

I sincerely and absolutely hope that no-one browsing the forum for the first time comes across this "will-to-live" sapping thread.

I now need to find a different corner and gnaw off my arm...

Alex

[jdaw1]

this "will-to-live" sapping thread

A difficult case. ‟Will to live” needs to be joined together, which can be done with hyphens. But then this compound thing needs to be joined with ‟sapping”. Possibilities include

• will-to-live-sapping (which fails to capture the two-level hierarchy);
• will-to-live sapping (failing to do the outer join);
• ‘will to live’-sapping (my preference).

But double-compounding will-to-live by surrounding it with non-curly double quotation marks, and then not joining it to the sapping: well, what can I say?

Was that reply helpful?

PS: why not leave me to talk to myself in this thread. Anything else would only be worse.

[Alex Bridgeman]

I enjoyed that reply. Leaving you to talk to your self would be a real shame:- one that only the punctuation police would appreciate!

Have fun

[jdaw1]

Vintage Port - the only wine worth the wait

Even I’m willing to acknowledge that this is a pedantic complaint (in other words, do consider the merits of not reading further), but that really should be an m-dash (‟ ”) not a hyphen (‟-”). Normally I wouldn’t say anything, but as we’re going to be seeing many copies of that signature, maybe one small hint will be allowed.

[Alex Bridgeman]

Julian,

If you can tell me how to get an m-dash on my keyboard then I will gladly change it. I had hoped that the forum software would be as intelligent as word and make the adjustment for me but, sadly, it didn't.

Educate me and I will change...

Alex

[jdaw1]

PC? Hold down Alt, and type 0151 on the numeric keypad. (If that doesn’t cope, change the NumLock setting.)

Mac? Good man: Shift-Option-hyphen.

Neither: copy-paste mine from above.

While you are at it, a pedant’s ellipsis is one character (“…” not ‟...”), being Alt-0133 or Option-;.

[DRT]

jdaw,

I have laid at least 2 apostrophe traps in the past 48 hours and you haven't picked them up - you seem to be losing your touch

Derek

[Conky]

I hope not. I print this thread off each night and go to bed to try to disect and memorise it.

Best Insomnia Cure I know!

Alan

[jdaw1]

I have laid at least 2 apostrophe traps in the past 48 hours and you haven't picked them up - you seem to be losing your touch

Derek

There are people whose wisdom I value, and to whose words I pay close attention. This is a strict subset of all humanity.

at least 2 apostrophe traps

But, to be fair, at least you admit to not knowing how many errors you have made.

[Alex Bridgeman]

PC? Hold down Alt, and type 0151 on the numeric keypad. (If that doesn’t cope, change the NumLock setting.)

Mac? Good man: Shift-Option-hyphen.

Neither: copy-paste mine from above.

While you are at it, a pedant’s ellipsis is one character (“…” not “...”), being Alt-0133 or Option-;.

I've changed my signature in my profile to the new m-dash and, low and behold, all signatures have been updated. Hurrah!

I must admit, I do find this thread one of the most amusing to follow, frequently generating a quickly stifled snort of laughter.

Alex

[jdaw1]

Alex asked me for a list of non-obvious characters available from most computers, which should include: ┚¬