If

[Conky]

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

[DRT]

WTF?

[Conky]

There's no point. (There doesn't have to be, thats why it's Meaningless Drivel)
But if I could, I would have had the second Post playing Jerusalem, loud.

Alan

[DRT]

OK - get it out your system

As they say, better out than in

Derek

[DRT]

OK - Alan has explained by PM that the above diatribe meant something deep and meaningful to him. That being the case I have no idea what it is doing here.

So, while we are at it, cast your mind back to being 14 and read these lyrics from The Proclaimers. If you need the tune to make sense of it all just google "Proclaimers Oh Jean" and pick up a link.


I’d never been lucky with girls I confess
Don’t know who to blame for my lack of success
Cause even with ones up the back of a bus
There was always the risk of a slap in the puss

But jean, oh Jean, you let me get lucky with you
Jean, oh Jean, you let me get lucky with you

The first time I met you it did cross my mind
The next time I saw you there wasn’t the time
The third time I saw you I thought that I would
The fourth time I met you I knew that I would

Oh Jean, oh Jean, you let me get lucky with you
Jean, oh Jean, you let me get lucky with you

[Conky]

Thanks Del Boy,

You've just made Rudyard Kiplings 'If' look positively Celestial!

Alan

[DRT]

OK - I'm on a roll...

Halfway down the stairs is a stair where I sit.
There isn't any other stair quite like it.
I'm not at the bottom, I'm not at the top.
So this is the stair where I always stop.

Halfway up the stairs isn't up and isn't down.
It isn't in the nursery, it isn't in the town.
And all sorts of funny thoughts run round my head.
It isn't really anywhere, it's somewhere else instead.

Halfway down the stairs is a stair where I sit.
There isn't any other stair quite like it.
I'm not at the bottom, I'm not at the top.
So this is the stair where I always stop.

Kermit

[Alex Bridgeman]

Have you two been drinking?!

[DRT]

What gives you that idea?